Wednesday, January 4, 2012

... how do you sleep...

As much as I complain comment about the swings in behavior that occur with the girls, I have to acknowledge that there are what might seem to be similar swings in my own behavior... at times.

She looks so pleasant in daylight....

For example. I can go for a good long time wanting, insisting that the girls sleep in their own darn beds. Alone. Without intervention from us. And ultimately this seems like a good goal, given that M and I will likely not be available to crawl into beddy with them, say, once they're in college, or on their honeymoons.

But there are times when I weaken. Like last night, for example.

I woke up around 2-ish to L calling, "Mommy!"

By all rights, I could have turned over in some manner that woke M up so that she realized she was needed, but for some reason (possibly I've gotten closer to enough sleep in the last couple of nights, possibly I'm starting to feel nearly over my cold, possibly a combination of both....) I got up myself and went out and found L lying completely uncovered in her bed.

I knelt down and put my hand on her tummy while I pulled her covers up.

L (loud "whisper"): Dada?
me: Yeah?
L: I need someone to lie with me.
me: Yeah?
L: Would you lie with me?
both of us, in unison: Just one minute?
me: Ok. (patting the bed) I need to lie here, on the inside.
L (misunderstanding and shifting over to where I'm patting): Ok.
me (what the hell): Just one minute.
L (snuggling in now, hand poked down my left sleeve, head resting on my shoulder): Ok.

In just a few minutes she was breathing deeply. And there's something undeniably awesome about curling up with my daughter in the middle of the night, feeling her body warming up, feeling her relax and drift off.

I'll admit that a big part of my willingness to do this has to do with my sense that time is passing quickly, and before too much longer neither of the girls will want me to snuggle in bed with them, and while that's appropriate and even desirable, there are things about it I'll miss. Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to snuggle in bed with my getting-grown-up child, but while she's 4yo it's a joy to share that time with her. Sometimes.

We both drifted off, actually. I woke up some time later and slipped out and went back to my own bed, but it felt like it was good to have done this, and that it wouldn't ultimately have a negative impact.

I suppose we'll see. Her roommate (or husband) may hate me in about 20 or 30 years....

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