Sunday, November 25, 2012

sister sunday - ... ah ooooo, werewolves of...

... the bathtub!

bubble bath after a cold hour at the beach


prelude to a warm bubble bath

What you can't really see is the 32 degree windchill coming off the water, the other beachgoers in down and fleece, and the odd looks the girls got as they tossed aside their boots and rolled up their leggings. (Note, too, the lack of jackets.)


Sunday, November 18, 2012

sisters sunday...you can ring my bell....

Yes, it's another sister sunday, and this one is sugar-coated.

mermaid, pumpkin and pumpkins

Such a classic picture, no? The jack-o-lantern on the lower left of the group of 3 is the one the girls and I carved. They came up with the face, and I did the surgery. (The other two are plug-in ones from Target or something like that.) We were happy with the way it turned out, and the collaborative effort was fun for all of us.

Trick or Treating this year was... interesting. We went early, during a window between rain squalls, and it was still just barely light, it was dry (though the ground was soggy wet and Miss L ended up with soaked shoes), and it was deserted. Not many kids out at that time. Which meant the girls didn't really have many role models to follow, which in turn meant that they weren't very good at going up to doors and knocking or ringing. We went to three houses, one belonging to their friend down the street (who was still getting dressed up), and then they refused to do any more. So we went home in frustration (me) and with nearly empty candy bags (the girls).

We went back out later, when it was darker, wetter, and there were a few more children out and about, and this time the girls found some random girls from outside the neighborhood which helped to get their courage up, and we managed another 4 or 5 houses before coming home for good. It was a short run, and I was just as happy about that (fewer stops = less candy).

They sat on the living room floor and counted and ate (a few, we cut them off after 4 or 5 candies), and then we got them into jammies, brushed teeth, read stories and got them into bed. All in all, a "frightful" time!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

... by the light...



One of my big challenges as a parent is that of staying "present" when dealing with the girls. It's not that I want to avoid them or what they're doing, but I often notice after the fact that I've missed something that seems important, even if relatively small, due to allowing myself to be distracted while talking with them.

earlier morning walk

It's far too easy to give the girls just some of my attention, rather than all of it, when they're asking me a question or telling me about some small moment in their day. They say something that seems insignificant, that sounds like a passing comment, and hours later it'll strike me that it was something significant, at least to them, and I ought to have paid a little more attention, given them a bit more interest, concern, or simply joy.

K: Daddy, do you like my costume?
me (distracted with… almost anything): Yeah, I do.
K: I think the kids are going to laugh at me.
me (still distracted): No, no one is going to laugh.

And later I realize that she was looking for some reassurance, and while I gave it to her, it was perfunctory, and I hadn't really been there "with" her during our conversation.

Or, 

L: Daddy, guess what?!
me (stirring spaghetti): Hmmm? What?
L: In class today I had to do the calendar twice!
me (remembering): Oh yeah, you were snack master. How was that?
L: Fine. But I had to do the calendar twice!
me: Really?
L: Yeah!!
me: Can you tell your sister dinner is ready?
L (yelling): K, dinner is ready. Daddy?
me (serving up pasta now): Yeah, do you want water with dinner?
L: Daddy?
me: Here, sit down.
L: Daddy?
me: Yeah, L?
L: I had to do the calendar twice….
me: Right. K! Dinner!

From the grownup perspective, the things they want to tell us, the stories they need to share, are small things. But in other senses they are huge.

For a child, nearly everything is new, their worlds are expanding with each experience, whether it's a face plant into a muddy puddle (like K did this last weekend while I was at work and M took the girls to the aquarium) or a classmate peeing in his pants during calendar (as happened when L's was snack master and doing the calendar so she had to restart calendar after things were settled), it's all part of what they're taking in and experiencing, and they want to talk about it. And if they can't talk about it with us, who can they talk about it with?

Weekend before last, we had a candlelight dinner after a chilly afternoon of hail and icy winds and family movie "night" (watching The AristoCats which was one of our more successful choices) and as we ate I realized that there were moments worth noting, even if they were simply questions like, "How many more bites of chili do I have to take before I get a piece of candy?" :

L, with chili
(and candles)

I have this theory that if I can be here while they're learning about being little girls and making friends and being snack master, listening in ways that lets them know I think what they have to say is important, then maybe they'll continue to share their stories and experiences with me when they're older, and they're busy learning about heartaches and love and successes and failures and are starting to stretch their wings and fly a bit….

I really would love to share a tiny bit of that with them.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

sister sunday

note: i never did manage to get this one posted, back in September, so I'm using it now.  I'm not even sure it was truly "finished" but this is the web, and "finished" is for old farts and sticks in the mud (with more time on their hands than I've got). It seems complete enough to give you a good sense of that first week of school, so I present to you:

Twisted Sister Sunday, the better late than never (and today I've got excuses!) edition

or,

How I had a great photo of the girls planned for Sunday morning, but events conspired to make me late posting it, and then life conspired to create events that needed writing about, but I was too shellshocked to do so.

"not having fun" at Jack Block Park

So, this last week has been a long one. First week of school (starting Weds) for one thing. We've got a 2nd year preschooler and a 1st grader!


And I know I've already written a post about this, so I won't go into it further, but the complication this year was that M had an event that meant she was working 6.30a to past 10p Weds/Thurs/Fri, which meant I was working from home and both dropping the girls off and picking them up. And for those of  you at home who aren't paying attention, or who, perhaps, have no kids or don't remember what the first week of school is like, what this all means is that we were running ragged by the end of things.

The girls did quite well. M and I dropped them off together on Weds morning, and I picked them up that afternoon. Everyone was in a good mood. We made it through both afternoon, dinner, evening, bath, reading and bed without too much trouble.

The evening routine is complicated when it's just one of us. The girls like significantly different things read to them (Bedtime for Baby Bear vs The Boxcar Children - the Lighthouse Mystery, for example). And we're at a point where both girls like to be laid with while going to sleep. This means that K has to listen while I read to L, and then L has to chill while I read to K. On Weds, L fell asleep while we were reading, which simplifies things greatly.

Anyway, Thurs morning went fine as well, as I dropped the girls off without them even seeing M. That afternoon things went fairly well as well, with the usual conflicts and yelling. Nothing out of the ordinary. I was getting tired though, so while the girls played in the tub, I scrambled to get some stuff done online and in the kitchen, and that was a mistake.

There were conflicts in the bathroom that resolved themselves (the girls are actually pretty good at resolving conflicts, though often it means K compromises in the face of tropical storm L), but when I went in there was water everywhere. Mind you, the girls were fine again with each other, but I got cranky and said something like "Ok, that's it! OUT!" and K hopped out in order to get her reading, but L laid in the tub and refused to budge.

I dried K off and then managed somehow to coax L out, but her mood had turned, so that evening we took forever to find pajamas that would work. In contrast, on Weds night we went up and both girls grabbed PJs and were dressed and brushed in minutes. On Thurs, L went through literally 5 different sets of clothes over the course of dressing/brushing teeth/reading book, and every time she realized that her pajamas weren't going to work, K had to sit and stew, waiting for her chance to be read to. I got frustrated (first week of school quiz - Q: What's the worst thing you can do in a situation like this? A: Get frustrated and show it.). Somehow we managed to muddle through, but there were tears, great fountains of tears, and K got bent out of shape which was one more thing to get me, and finally she started having her own personal meltdown in retaliation, which of course made things worse. And when she has this sort of meltdown, she hisses and gets in her sister's face.

In retrospect, I wonder how things would have gone if I'd kept my cool better in the bathroom when faced with .... but that's all just water over the floor.

The upshot is that we managed to get ourselves into bed, with me lying with L who was stuffed up from crying, and K thrashing in her own bed muttering (loudly) things like "Well, I guess you're not going to lie with ME tonight!" and me whispering that I would be right over once L fell asleep, and K loudly opening and drinking from her water bottle and then kicking the wall and saying "You don't even act like you want me to be your daughter!" and me whispering that I would be right over to her bed once L fell asleep (you can see that once I hit upon a winning response I don't change it).

Luckily L fell asleep quickly, so I managed to crawl in with K before she  fell asleep, and we snuggled and she thanked me and said she loved me and then she promptly fell asleep and I crawled out of her bed and downstairs to clean the kitchen.

Friday morning M was here long enough to see K (or was it L...? The whole thing is a bit of a blur now), and then she was off again to work and I was going to make the girls pancakes but didn't have baking powder so we fell back to the usual (toast, egg whites, some cinnamon cereal with chocolate milk in it), and somehow things spiraled downhill with K actiing up in major ways, getting into her sister's face and hissing, hitting her, and doing other things I'm sure I'm forgetting. The upshot of this morning was that K lost the privilege of video and books on Friday, and video on Saturday as well. I wasn't too worried about Friday because my company picnic was that afternoon, so I figured we would be busy anyway, but the Saturday thing was a case of shooting myself in my foot because I could have used the distraction on Saturday, and I knew she was going to be pretty distraught about not getting to watch something. Her response though, on Friday morning was "I don't care!" and as she sat on her bed in a timeout, she wanted me to know that she didn't even like me as a father.

I don't even remember how I got them off to school, but I did it, and then got about 4 hours of work done before picking them up. I was leaving it up in the air as to whether or not we were actually going to go to the picnic, based on behavior on pickup, but they were both fine, and we went to the picnic and they had fun and didn't eat properly and then we went home around 7ish, which is later than they are usually out and is about the time we're into pajamas, but they were filthy and M was home and so we did bath and then bedtime was rotating tap of meltdowns with first one and then the other girl in screaming tears, each setting the other off, while M and I lay with L and K respectively. It was.... a special evening after a long week. Oh yeah, congratulations on being done M, and welcome home!

Saturday was M's birthday, and we had presents for her and had foolishly (?) arranged for to host a few folks to celebrate that evening, which meant cleaning and prep work... without video. Needless to say, we had a few meltdowns over the course of the day, but somehow managed to get the house cleaned and food made and were ready to celebrate M's birthday. That went well, but the girls got into bed late (9-ish) and didn't sleep as long as they ought to have and so....

Now we're to the point I really started writing about, Sunday.















Sunday, November 4, 2012

... dance with me...

it's another Twisted Sister Sunday, and today we're going back to the beach (because the weather has been getting me down):


dancing on the edge

I love watching the girls at the beach, even though K will come and ask things like "Daddy, is it ok that I'm getting my skirt sandy?"


Monday, October 29, 2012

... give me a song....

This is something I'll never get tired of:


And how could I?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

... there's a light...

another Twisted Sisters Sunday post here, this one lit by candles and smiles: