M and the girls are out of town for a week, and the house is crazy quiet. You'd think I like that, and there's aspects of it that are nice (I don't have to tiptoe through the outer room on my way in/out of my bedroom, I can listen to music and read the paper at breakfast, I can shower without interruption, leave the house at the planned time....), but I miss my girls (all 3 of them) and am looking forward to their return. There's something about this time on my own that makes it even more of a contrast - it's the first since Lucy died. Our domain isn't named "loudlucy" for nothing. So I'm moving around, getting up in the morning and crawling into bed at night in a house even more library-like than the last time M took the girls to see her mother.
I've got tons of projects to finish up, and quite a bit of garden maintenance too, but in the morning when I wake up I'm aware of the emptiness around me, and realize just how much a part of my life these various females are. When everyone is home, it's crazy, yes. And yet here I am wishing I could see them.
Last night K got on the phone and asked "How is the studio going Daddy?"
When did she get that old, old enough to know that I'm supposed to be working on the studio while she's out in Alabama visiting her grandmother, old enough to remember and to ask me? I felt like I was talking to a 15yo rather than to a 5yo. L on the other hand, had missed dinner and fallen asleep half on K's bed and half on the floor. M said she just moved her into her own bed (a crib at Grandmama's house). She's a "growned up" 3, but she's still 3, and travel and visiting with cousins is hard work.
When I said goodbye I told K I loved her.
K: Goodbye Daddy. I love you too.
It doesn't get much better than that.
So for the next week, I'm working at work and working at home, I'm paddling and feeling like I shouldn't be doing that since there's so much to get done. But I know the week will zoom by and soon it'll be Tuesday and I'll be picking everyone up from the airport. Until then, it's good to be reminded that what I sometimes wish for in the chaos of day-to-day living (silence and peace) is not what I truly want. Sure it's nice to have now and then, for a few hours or maybe even a day at a time, but after that it's disconcerting. Now, time to get back to work!
Oh yeah, and one more thing - I know M is going to need a break when they get back. There's nothing like being the solo parent to drain parental resources. She does a fantastic job, though she'd sometimes claim otherwise, but she'll need some time to herself. To be reminded of how much she wants the chaos.